Conclusion (?)

You know what? I'm pretty sure I know how I'm gonna be clearing up this mess. She wants to find herself? Fine! She's bloody well going to college first, though. And I'll make sure of that. Despite all that's happened, it's the least I can do. I've taken her away from family, alienated her, confused her...Betrayed her. I can't act like I've done nothing wrong. We both know...We all know...That I've done wrong and there is absolutely no way of fixing anything now. But by making her go to college, I'll at least know I'm setting her off to a good start...I still care about her...

Yet more trouble...

This.Is.Ridiculous. I can't believe Simon is just walking into our home and settling in. I know he's going to let the cat out the bag. I just know it. He can't do this to me though - I won't let him. He knows how I feel about him. I've made it quite clear. He can't take Alex away from me, she's all I have left. She's everything. She'd never forgive me if she knew...It's too late to turn back now, though. I understand that. But why does he have to be such a bloody inconvenience to us all! I understand Alex's excitement on finding him but I just have too much going on...I can't deal with this on top of it.

Thoughts on Belgians

Bloody Belgians. It was their fault in the first place, wasn't it? The...you know, colonising Rwanda and all that, bloody bastards. Good chocolate though, Belgium chocolate, bloody good chocolate. Fucking good chocolate actually. And the waffles. The waffles are really terrific too.

Conflicted

                       

I have such mixed feelings right now. Alex is trying to hard to make things work in terms of my photography, but it's hard! I feel so happy and comfortable just doing the occasional wedding, it would be so hard to get back in the war lifestyle. Especially with Simon here, I have to be more committed to having a family life, and not just running off to the other side of the world whenever the opportunity arises. It's just not fair on the kids! I don't know why Alex is so keen for me to get back into it. Besides, my work is never properly appreciated anyway - it's an art! No one understands...